


Same Time Next Week

by orphan_account



Category: EastEnders
Genre: Happily Ever After series, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 17:00:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christian and Syed attend couples counselling. Special commission from a charity auction winning bidder! This story is intended to be consistent with my Happily Ever After universe (which by the way is NOT being written chronologically at all!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same Time Next Week

The room was small. That was the first thing. Small and intimate. Modern furnishings. Comfortable but durable chairs. One more comfortable leather chair opposite two blue-fibre covered visitors chairs that slightly faced each other. Christian edged into the room and sought a reassuring glance from Syed as they took their seats. Their therapist, a woman invited them to sit down. This was the third session they'd been to and they were beginning to get familiar with it. Their therapist was calm and unflappable. Nothing phased her. Intimate talk of gay sex didn't even get a blink of her eye and each week they went away walking side by side, thinking, looking at each other, loving each other, feeling both shame-faced for their part in things and frustrated that it all couldn't just work and be mended already.

“How are you both today?”

“Yeah. Good. A little stressed, I think,” Syed looked over to Christian who avoided his husband's eyes and played with his ring instead. 

“That's one word for it,” Christian mumbled.

“I'm sensing some tension here. Remember what we covered in last week's session about communication. I need you both to speak clearly and articulately. Its ok to take a moment to gather your thoughts first, if that's what you need and while the partner who's speaking should communicate effectively the partner who's listening needs to actively listen. Hear what's being said. Let those thoughts be aired and don't be judgemental. Let them exist. Choose to take in what's being said and reflect on it. This is a marriage of two equals. Both your opinions are equal. Both of your thoughts count, does that make sense?”

Syed looked slightly ashamed. “Yeah. Sorry. I...I'm still getting used to this.”

“We had an argument before leaving the house,” Christian said.

“And what did you feel the argument was about, Christian?”

“Syed's hang-ups. His prejudices. His ingrained thoughts and attitudes that makes him think, every so often, that there's something not right about two men with kids.”

“Syed, what do you feel the argument was about?”

“It clearly wasn't about me. It was about Christian's blatant desire to rush headlong into churning out sprogs before thinking things through!”

“So, perhaps you could at least both agree that your disagreement concerned children?”

Both Syed and Christian nodded.

“And perhaps your own childhoods, too?”

Neither responded to that one.

“Its understandable that our own upbringing would have an impact on our family choices in adulthood. This is particularly difficult for same sex couples with the biological and legal hurdles to having a family and some strong opposition from certain parts of society. What I need you both to focus on is your own circumstances. Your own family and marriage. Every family is different. You need to focus on what's right for you as a couple. Examine your marriage. Give it time and attention separate from the issue of children.”

“I can't forget I have a daughter,” Syed blurted out loud.

The therapist nodded. “What are your thoughts on fatherhood, Syed? Do you think that it adds to your marriage?”

“It creates complications,” Syed admitted. “I struggled at first, I've got to admit. I didn't know my daughter until she was nearly a year old. I missed out a lot. I don't know a lot about kids. I feel the pressure of that responsibility, of being a good father and reconciling my life with my faith. I feel like I'm being pressed into all that before I've worked it all out. I've accepted that I'm gay and Muslim and I'm happily married but having children is a very big step and I'd just like to feel that I've sorted some things out before I...before Christian and I have any more.”

“There's an awful lot of 'I' in all that, Sy. Not much 'we' there.”

“And your point's what, exactly?”

“May I ask when was the last time you had a conversation, or an evening together, without discussing children at all?”

Marked silence met her question.

“Clearly having a family is an important issue for both of you and I think you both want to do it right, would you agree?”

Both Syed and Christian did, with small apologetic glances to each other.

“Good. Then this week I'd like you to take a half hour every day that you'll agree and put in you diaries where you'll both spend time together as husband and partners. No children allowed, no talking about kids and no technology like tv's and phones. That half hour will be devoted to your marriage. Would you both be ok with that?”

“We're parents,” Christian protested, “You can't just discard your kids.”

“Then perhaps you could consider assigning another half hour, or other time slot, to that role? To discussing parenthood with each other.”

“You can't make abstract distinctions like that! The man I love is the father of my child!”

“Its true. You're both husbands. You're also both fathers...and sons and brothers and brothers-in-law. All of these roles need their own time. Being a husband is important. Being a father is too...but these are two separate and distinct relationships with different dynamics. When you talk to each other be clear about this. Are you talking as a parent of Yasmin? Or are you talking as a partner and a husband? Or both? If you don't mind, I'd like to spend today talking about your feelings about children. When we miscommunicate about something, its often because we both want what's best but have different views on what 'best' actually means or how to go about getting there. Spending time on your marriage now will help your relationship as co-parents but those roles are separate and distinct. Remember, like everything I ask you to do this exercise is entirely optional.”

“That's a difficult thing to ask someone to do,” Syed mused quietly. “I don't always feel I can talk about Yasmin with Christian.”

“He shuts me out,” Christian added his own thoughts.

“Do you struggle to talk to Christian as Yasmin's co-parent? Or as your husband?”

“I don't know. I've always felt I could talk to my boyfriend, my husband, about anything but since Yasmin came along...its like HE can't distinguish the two and I don't know how he'll react. He might be fine or he might hurt me. Christian can't just disagree he gets angry and turns the cold shoulder and when I need my husband the most he's not there, he's off licking his wounds somewhere over some misunderstanding.”

“And do you think that's about being a father or being a husband?”

“I suppose it feels like disagreements over parenting are causing collateral damage for our marriage.”

“Christian?”

“I don't like being shut out,” Christian stated. “And no, while we're on it, I can't distinguish the two. Not when you're family. Its all one and the same.”

“He's just annoyed he didn't do it sooner.”

“What do you think about raising children, Christian? Do you think Syed's right? Do you think you could have done this sooner? Without him, perhaps? Or is it fundamental to your relationship? What was your own childhood like?”

“I had a troublesome childhood. My mother and I didn't connect and I was close to my father. Then Dad left for a bit when I was about five. All of a sudden Mum and I were just thrown together and we became quite close and by the time Dad came back from being with his secretary Mum and I had formed a very close bond. The older I got the more I noticed Dad's behaviour, the absences, the 'holidays' the number of women he knew. I sussed what was going on pretty quickly but that bond was based on a lie. My Mum thought I was someone I wasn't. When I told her the truth, the truth that I was gay, all her dreams for me shattered. I hurt her. A lot. I don't regret that – I was on the cusp of adulthood, living life as a man, having sex, becoming my own person and I couldn't go into that life lying ahead of me on a lie. I had to be honest and that was when I knew I would never have kids, no matter how much I wanted it, because if I ever had kids they weren't going to be like I was. They were going to have two parents who loved each other. Who lived for each other. Who were bound heart and soul and wanted them so much. More than you can imagine...and that wasn't going to happen for me because I was gay. I couldn't get married, I couldn't have kids. I loved the wrong sex, gay men couldn't adopt, science hadn't progressed...the law was against us in every possible way so I threw myself into what I could have, as a gay man. I could have friends. I could have parties. I could have a responsibility free life to drink and party and have sex and have fun and I did. I did that a lot. I also curled up in my bed crying from being alone wanting that thing that I couldn't have. That home. That love. That family...” Christian paused, “And then I met Syed. At first it was pure lust. He was hot and I liked him. He was randy and I was there.”

“That's not true.”

“You hadn't had sex in two years, you would have fucked a goat.”

“I liked you.”

“I was there, reemember.”

“I _liked_ you,” Syed pressed, his face turning red. He was getting an erection just thinking about it. “I liked you too much to say. You were a dream. Are a dream, still. To think that you would want someone like me. A liar. A cheat. Dishonest. Weak.”

Christian's brow furrowed with concern. “Don't do that.”

“Don't do what? Speak the truth?”

“Don't do that thing where you become someone you're not.”

“That's the man you married, Christian.”

“No, that's the man you see in the mirror. Like an anorexic sees someone fat. That's not who you are. That's not who I love.”

“You love a dream, Christian. This is me.”

Christian stared Syed down. Seconds passed. He spoke, not to Syed but to the therapist without breaking eye contact. “Syed feels unworthy. He feels unworthy of this relationship and he feels unworthy of me and he feels unworthy of our daughter and it drives me absolutely up the wall because I don't know how anyone could look at him and not fall in love with him. You want the truth, the honest truth? The first time I saw Syed I wanted to have him. A notch on the bedpost. Have him like some sort of prize. Another fine memory to jerk off to in the shower...and then I actually had him and for the first time in my whole life the world actually made sense. My life shifted on its axis. All this stuff that people go on about, songs and poetry and all that sweet sugary crap I couldn't ever stand all suddenly made sense because for the first time I remember I felt like I'd come home. I didn't love him then. I didn't fall for him then. I just knew I'd had the first hit of something I wanted again and again and again for as long as I could. Maybe even the rest of my life. I couldn't leave him alone, I became some weird sort of stalker – except he stalked me too. He came back again and again and I fell. I couldn't help it. I was lost on that count the moment we met and on top of all that, on top of being this loving, gorgeous, thoughtful, patient man I was in love with he had a family. A stable family, with a solid foundation. He had two parents who loved him who weathered the storms and shipwrecks in their life and clinged on, together. He had a brother and sister who were so close growing up they hated his guts they loved him so much and he came from a culture that valued settling down and getting married and having children. Yeah, Syed wasn't out. He had doubts and fears and wanted to be held but I wanted to hold him and have him hold me and my fears too. He had everything I could dream of. Everything I could wish for. Everything I could want.”

“You saw it through rose tinted spectacles! You saw a big happy family and dozens of kids and grandparents who still talked to each other.”

“So sue me for dreaming of happiness, Sy.”

“Remember this is a safe place. A place for you to both air your thoughts without fear of anger or retribution. A place of peace and understanding. Syed how do you feel about Christian's desire for children?”

“Pressure. A lot of pressure. Too much pressure. Its like he wants me to be someone I'm not. Yes, I'm a Muslim. Yes I'm a gay men. Yes I was married and had a daughter with my ex wife and yes I have a Punjabi background with all the numerous extended relations my culture insists on but I'm also just me. Syed. A young man still figuring himself out. I've never really thought about not being Muslim. About being Hindu or Christian, I never had the chance. Or maybe athiest for a while. I never slept around at uni and experimented with life and no, I don't have some rampant desire to sow wild oats but the point is I jumped straight out from my parents house and into my husbands. I haven't had any time to be me. To learn me. Is this what I want? I know I want you in my life but what is that life going to look like, that I want you in? That's not something you sleep on and wake up with the answer to. That's something that evolves slowly over months and years, like it did for you. Like realising you wanted children. You've had that time, Christian. You're not only older than me you left home younger than me. You've had a lot of time alone. Maybe too much. If you want children, Christian, we can have children – if I can have space. 'Me' space. Space for me to do my own thing and work myself out and have some autonomy to go and try things and work things out on my own.”

“I miss you when you're gone, Sy. I miss you so much. Its so lonely. Don't make me do that. Maybe, yeah, I could distinguish the two if I tried but I don't want to try. No disrespect,” Christian glanced at the therapist, “But we've spent enough time apart. Life and jobs and everything else. I don't want that again. I don't want you to leave. I don't just want kids, Sy, I want them with you and I don't just want them with you, I want them _with_ you. With you right there. All the way.”

“I'm not suggesting I leave, Christian, but even if I do I'll come back. I'll always come back. I might be a dickhead sometimes,” Syed admitted, making Christian laugh, “But I always come back.”

“Like a bad smell,” Christian added.

Syed looked to the counsellor. “Do you see what I have to put up with?”

The counsellor smiled. “Remember, this isn't about you as individuals so much as this is about your relationship and your marriage but sometimes what we need as individuals can impact on what we're willing to put into a relationship. If I said, 'Having children is fundamental to this relationship' would you agree with that statement.”

“No,” Christian replied quickly. “It would kill me not to have that but no, I love Syed first.”

“Yeah. I loved Chistian before I even thought about kids,” Syed admitted, “No matter how much my Mum wanted grandchildren.”

“Good. Then lets revise my instructions. This week I'd like you to take an hour a week and talk about the place of children in your life and your relationship.”

“No putting life in its boxes?” Christian asked? “Marriage here, kids over there?”

“Only if you both want to,” The therapist replied. “There are some couples who get so caught up in being parents they forget their marriage exists. Perhaps I misjudged you. I don't think that you're there. You need to talk about what right's for you. At a certain stage, only you two can judge what's best for your marriage. I can only encourage you to communicate clearly and give your marriage the time it needs and deserves to keep it refreshed. We need to give our relationships time and devotion, like we give sleep and bedtime time and devotion and planning and thought.”

“I want to,” Syed put in hesitantly. “I think it could be good for us. Some time just for us, some time talking about kids. Calmly. I'd like that. I'd like that a lot.”

“Do you mean that?”

“We are going to have children, Christian, besides we already have one, but she's right. We need to talk more about this...AND we need to stop using disagreements about Yasmin as an excuse to shut each other out.”

“I'm not the only one who does that in this relationship, Sy.”

“No, I do it too,” Syed admitted. “That's why we need to talk. A lot of talking. Followed by lots of sex.”

“Nympho,” Christian snorted affectionately.

“You love it.”

“Yeah, maybe I do,” Christian blinked and then glanced sideways. “Sorry.”

“Don't be. Go home and make babies. My next client is waiting.”

“We'll see you next week?” Syed stood up. Christian then followed.

“Same time next week.”

~


End file.
